In my opinion, Susan Morgans' to market, to market, to buy a..., running in this month's mtl Magazine and online (saved in Google Docs) goes down as one of the most offensive articles that has come out of the Public Information Office. Somewhere, it is described as lighthearted. Lighthearted, my foot!
In one story, Ms. Morgans managed to offend a large number of people, either by their appearance, their religion, their ethnicity, where they live, their upbringing - gee, did I miss anyone?
It started out as a story about shopping in grocery stores from yesteryear. I am not as old as Susan, but she did forget about the Castle Shannon Post Office building. I am not talking about the pornography warehouse that was in that building, before that. Remember the Golden Dawn? Before that was Thorofare. And Susan, I think you are old enough to remember Loblaws.
Susan's article took a nose dive. My mom used to buy her meats from Joe Zak or the Greek butcher in Canonsburg. I wouldn't say that my family had big bucks. OK, not too offensive, but she continues.
At Costco, you will shop with people who speak a language other than English. I guess you wouldn't have enjoyed shopping with my family, Susan. But wait, there's more. "Wear comfy clothes—don’t worry, you will never be the fattest person there." I will never be the fattest person at Costco.
Bottom Dollar is where people will think you are poor or cheap or both. You will also think the same of the others. Susan, how else can we afford Mt. Lebanon taxes?
Market District - "Spruce up when you shop here, because you will see your high school boyfriend, your ex-wife or the guy you hope will sponsor you at St. Clair Country Club. Look especially chic on Sundays around noon, cause that’s where the folks who moved to St. Clair from Lebo come after church—and they will want to talk at you. There may be a few St. Louise parishioners at the deli, but it’s mostly the Westminster Presby crowd. Need I say more?" Whew! My church is safe.
Shop 'N Save - where the Mt. Lebanon wannabes shop.
Fresh Market is entertaining.
Finally, Susan's advice is, "If you don’t want to run into your ex-neighbor who now lives “right by the club,” go at 10 p.m. when the USC folks are relaxing in their home theaters."
Was anyone safe? Or was Susan the only one left unscathed?